The dark side of the barn

Nobody can be that happy or positive!

Nobody!

And your right.

I lived with un-diagnosed depression most of my life.

I was raised, that depression is choice and it was up to me to

 'get over it'. 

So, without medication or help, I learned to cope.

I grew up thinking it was me and my fault that I felt the way I did. ...

Mind you being molested, raped and mentally abused most of the time, was to have played NO PART in it. Right?

I was 'advanced' .

What does that mean.

To smart for my own good.

Wise beyond my years. ...

I could go on.

But what it really means is an IQ of over 150 and being gifted in the learning department.

And whether I liked it or not, people noticed I was smart.

I even tried to hide it.

Reading before the age of 5 played a great part of my intelligence.

Why am I always telling you to read to your children??????

My doctor asked me if I wanted to be special or normal, I said please don't tell them,

and he never did tell my parents exactly what my scores were.

He merely told them "She's gifted". That was enough.

I tried to dumb down because I 'intimidated people'.

I was once even told I needed to dumb down my resume because in a job interview the owner told me that I could run his company better than he did and that intimidated him.

Ya, I didn't get the job because the owner was afraid I would do better than he did?

Do I try to be better than anyone,

HELL NO

Do I think I'm better than others

HELL NO

{My therapist will tell you I tear myself apart more than any other person}

I try to stay to myself and go through life unnoticed.

I like to be by myself,
because in truth there are very few people that I can relate to.

To understand what I mean .....

Imagine yourself 7 feet tall trying to fit in and go 'unnoticed.'

You didn't ask to be 7 feet.

Your not trying to reach 8 feet.

You often wish you were only 5 feet tall.

But in reality, there is nothing you can do about it except - accept it.

Because of my depression and struggle with suicide, I have worked hard to find the positive, even in the darkest hours.

I have found many happy moments, and the strength to be the only one there to stop me, when it could have been the end.

My life is full of unfortunate events.

And yet , I'm blessed with everything on the Bright side of the Barn.

Sometimes, it's been hard to find.

I was born butt first and my life has been ass backwards.

Things happen to me that no one would believe.

The book I've been requested to write is going to be titled

YOU WOULDN'T FUCKING BELIEVE ME IF I TOLD YOU  

but here it is. 

Some of my previous blog posts express the a taste of the many events in my life...

Want a fresh example...

The latest event is the government giving my stimulus check to someone else, direct deposit into their account..... not mine. 

So, if you ever think your life is F*** up, come on over let me tell you a story from mine... You'll leave feeling better like everyone else does.

Complaining, no, That is something I don't really do.
I vent, I cope, I deal with it, I've been known to 'put an end to it' but
I never get over it, and I always go forward.

Remember this

You can't stand in the sunshine without having a shadow. 

Blessed by God

Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails

The blessings of Family

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter ! Really, I'm not being sarcastic, this time. I've had to spend many holidays alone over the last few years, and it's do able. Traditions have changed over the years and too many people don't value them in the first place. So for many, this was no different other than staying home. For families I'm sure it was different. What you did and how you did it, will have determined if it was difficult or not. I'm getting feed back, my kids and grandkids all did okay on their own.

Celebrating the true meaning of Easter....
You don't have to go to church to find God. In fact 'church' is a misused word that should say 'temple'. Church is actually a body of people. So if you had your family and you were together in quarantine you were a church all your own. For those of us that are alone, Jesus is still making His rounds. What you do in the face of the Lord all the time, is so much more important than where you spend Easter Sunday.

Commercialism has destroyed so many sacred holidays. So personally I was glad in some ways that the traditional commercial activities were reduced.

 You have so much on your mind lately. How many days has this been going on and how much longer......

It's scary to lose your job especially when everyone else is too. So where do you look for work when your ordered to stay home?

Scary' er we have to rely on the Government to give us money to survive....

How are you going to pay the bills and when can you get back to work. Will you lose your house and end up homeless.?

Perhaps people would understand not all that are homeless are drug addicts..... IF more became homeless? How many have to become home less before our system changes and everyone can afford a home.

I'm hearing how so many are going nuts having to put up with their own children. Others embrace the opportunity to be with their children.

Seriously, are you okay sending your children back to old school buildings? Some already should be shut down. The one thing we haven't kept up on is new schools for our children... Don't let them go back to contaminated buildings.

Has anyone taken into consideration how many children are becoming orphaned during this pandemic? Losing many family members to the virus. Has anyone stepped up and created a plan and safety net for those children so we don't lose them in the cracks.

How many can now see the flaws in our systems. HOW big are the cracks in your neighborhood?  We need changes and now is the perfect time to start thinking forward and better....

Money really doesn't matter in this war. IT doesn't matter your social status, we are all able to be affected. I for one truly hope this event teaches us all something and somehow we can come out of this a better people. 

My dad always said hindsight's 20/20. 

Only time will tell. The new motto is 'We're all in this together', yet I wonder how many really are. We can get through this and we will survive. Christians around the world should be celebrating as the prophecy is being fulfilled. And the end time is coming.  I hope they pray for the rest of the people.  

My daughter in law asked me, You home schooled the kids, how and where do I begin?

My oldest daughter once gave me the greatest compliment a child could give their mom. 

She told her friends that she had a great mom, her mom taught her and her siblings to use their brains. 

Teach them how to learn and you've given them everything. 

It starts with learning to read and acquire reading comprehension skills. Now is a great time to give your children the greatest gift of all.

READ A BOOK..  

Blessed by God 

Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.