This really feels good. When I look back to then; and see now....
I feel more like me now than I have ever. The stress has subsided and the noise in my head has finally quieted down.
All I ever wanted was a peaceful place for my kids to grow up. And for them to have a solid start on life. Unfortunately we don't leave our children with the foundations we used to. "Saving for college", is for the wealthy, "Inheritance" doesn't exist. Life insurance is taxed to death! So they don't get much there.
I wanted my Grama house and to have my family over on Sunday's and holidays for dinner. I love to cook. My grand kids anytime they wanted to be there. But that didn't happen.
I didn't get much help in that and felt I've been on this road alone for a long time.
I left their dad because of his drinking and violence. I disagreed with the way his family raised children. He himself failed kindergarten because his mother allowed him to stay home and drink with his dad at the age of 6. She wasn't much better at being a mother in law, than she was as a mother.
My second time around wasn't much better, his family was prejudice. And I never should have subjected my kids to that and all that came with it. His mother was much like my own and too drunk to remember anything, again another raised to drink and the adults think it's cute?
It wasn't that I didn't like anyone. I DON'T LIKE DRUNKS. I didn't agree with the way they behaved. I wanted better examples of adults for my children to grow up around.
It's not easy always having to defend yourself and the truth. It's not easy doing the right thing, when your feelings want to do something else. But somebody has to be mature about things.
I've walked on egg shells most of the time. In my first marriage I was constantly being criticized and put down for my parenting. In my second marriage, I was disliked because I had my own children and didn't put his child first.
I've been accused and blamed for so much I have never, nor would I do. It's nice not having anyone live with me. I have my privacy. I don't have people speculating that I'm plotting against them.... I don't have to listen to their drama, nor be stuck in the middle of it. I don't have to tiptoe because someone else is upset and I don't want to be the blowup.
I found my "tribe" and I'm happy with them. My horse is the greatest! The goats too funny for their own good. The chickens have become more than just chickens and egg layers. They are pets. My cats and dog, have always been there for me. And none of them, ever think I'm out to get them, nor are they plotting against me LOL..
I don't do social media so I don't have to see the stupidness of people, nor listen to the drama. I keep life real with respect, and it feels good living in the moment. Not having to live for anyone else of their expectations.
Be your best.
Blessed by God
Life's good at the Bright side of the Barn
Thanks for stopping by
Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.