It started when I was 14. I had turned 15 before she was born. I was 17 for the next one and there was 2 more before I turned 24. By the time I was 26 I was divorced. I became a step mom by 27 with 5 in my care. An 2 loads of baggage added to my cart.
A grandmother by 32 now times 10, and a great grama by 52, I'm headed to the baby shower for # 4 today.
Back off! I'm only 56!
I was set to graduate high school before I was 16, a first in my time. A miracle for my family. We were quietly dysfunctional I like to call it. You only knew what you were told and couldn't see the rest.
Unlike outspoken dysfunction, alcoholism and violence, I soon learned and experienced. I thought I could get away from it, teach my children it wasn't an acceptable way of life. And for what ever reasons, they chose to go back around it.
Out of 5, 2 hate me and 3 love me. I was the same person for all , just different points of time in life, made the differences in the life we lived.
You can only do your best.
There were stories on the news of young mothers, throwing their babies away in dumpsters after birth. Or mom's of toddlers driving into lakes and rivers killing themselves and their children. There was even stories about dad's blowing up the house with himself and the kids inside.
My own family abandon me in this country and went back to Canada.
You can only do your best.
You find out how strong you are, when you stand alone.
You find out how motivated you are, when 4 little ones are standing behind you.
You make the best decisions you can at the time.
Things change over time.
If the rules then were like the rules now.
Or if the system worked then like the system works now.
Or if time then was like time now.
I could go on, but I'm sure your getting the point. If not - this blog has been over your head for a while now.
At any given moment in time, at any given time in the moment....
You could quit.
Do like - sadly so many of the dad's do and just walk away - not give a shit about the kids and how they are going to turn out. Father'd 8 -10 they don't even know how many kids and don't know any of them.
After all, for reasons I will never understand, those kids still want to know their dad?
You could do like so many mom's and turn to the drugs or alcohol. Blind yourself to the reality of life and 'just see what happens to your kids'.
After all, for reasons I will never understand, those kids still want to know you?
There are so many choices as a parent.
So many ways to quit.
Yet, so many get up every day, give it their best, give it their all and would do it all again.
Regardless of the outcome, love hate win lose or draw.
Some parents, just love their children so much.
All they can do is try and they try their best.
I don't know how you feel about your parents.
I don't know if they get the privilege to see the grand kids.
If not, your depriving your children of a beautiful relationship that may not have been the best for you. But could be the greatest of all for them. Pretty sure your parents love and want nothing more than to make peace with you.
But really is it all them or are you part of the problem.
It takes a village to raise a child. I know, I had to do it alone.
Blessed by God
Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn
Thanks for stopping by
Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.
