Not so Close

 With all that being said.....

The results leading to my 360 turn around has been in part, being able to live alone. 

When you have time alone with yourself - you can really find yourself.

No one around to influence your thoughts.

No other personalities to worry about.

I don't need the company all the time, in fact - I need the quiet time, undisturbed, uninterrupted peace for the most part. 

Sometimes it's nice to be alone. 

I'm just not 'so close' to people anymore.

Blessed by God

Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.

Should I stay or Should I go

 After several years of marriage and raising a family, your husband gets in a car accident and is now paralyzed.. Do you divorce him because of the burdens?

 After several years of marriage, my husband was diagnosed 'bipolar 1' with multiple personality 'traits' and 'manic episodes'.

 {A mental disorder}.

 Now because he's been a burden in many ways and can be quite unpleasant to live with. Do I divorce him because it's hard?

 Many ask why I stayed, why put up with the abuse, why tolerate the pain associated with the abusive behavior. Why put my children through it all. I wanted a divorce for many years.... this was an internal and external struggle.

 But, we wanted to find him help so he could know what was wrong and get better. We could see that something was 'wrong'. So I stayed in the fight.

 If this were your child, you wouldn't even think about it, you would just take care of them and take the blows 'like a good mom does'. 

 So he's my husband. Should it be any different?

 So so many people out on the streets are suffering undiagnosed mental disorders and have no help because 'family' either didn't know how or didn't want to or didn't have the resources... 

 I didn't want to see him in such a state of being. So I fought with him until he got help. I've been slandered I've been called a 'monster' and had a lot of things said about me that are untrue. His family is the worst! of all people. and I'm hated Because I stayed in the fight, which ultimately saved his life. {suicide is a big thing for people struggling to understand their own mental disorders..}

 It isn't a 'relationship' it's more of a 'situation'. There hasn't been a lot of happy times and financially it's a struggle, because bi polar people have a hard time managing money. And there are many days, he has to miss work because he's not 'checked in'. This happens with mental disorders. 

 It took years for him to see a doctor and be honest with them so he could be properly diagnosed. The road from there has been rocky. Getting the right medications has been good and finding the right therapist would be nice.

 There are still the occasional episodes, however much less volcanic. 

 There are good times, and steady days. 

We like that .... Steady days. 

 There is much happiness and good times playing with the grandchildren. He's a hard worker and good at his job. There's a new house with lots to do.... {As long as life is consistent without changes, he's good} 

 Happiness is a feeling of choice that you make for yourself. 

So it really doesn't matter what your facing in life, you can choose to be happy in it. Life isn't always easy and things are going to happen and change the course of your journey. 

Will you be stiff and break or like a willow branch and bend.? 

Or just straight up 'run for the hills!'

or a 'rock' that people come from miles to lean on because you've become so strong from 'life'......

a 'lighthouse' in the dark...

Everything happens for a reason, sometimes, God's just training you for the next mission

Blessed by God 

Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.

360

It's a different view from up here. 

Gives you a different perspective. 

I went to the doctors the other day. She says I've come a complete 360 from where I was when we met almost a decade ago. 

My health has stabilized rather than continue down hill. 

My bones can't get 'better' but they can slow down from getting worse. Just as my lung can't get any 'better,' but it can stop getting worse. 

My mental health... 

well, I have my mind back.

 Now that could be dangerous for a few others, it's good news for me. 

The last therapist left the office almost a year ago. I refused to start over. This was the 3rd time around with a new therapist, starting back at the beginning and moving forward. This one was awesome. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was getting the right advice. I was able to 'get over' a lot of mountains in my life. I haven't needed to go back.

Someday, I hope to run into her again and let her know, she was a life changer. I hope where ever she went she stayed in the profession, because there are not that many good therapists out there. 

The BIG difference in my life, the one thing that has helped me heal in so many ways.....

.....On the tangible level. 

Spiritually

God is always the number one in my life.

The one thing that has helped me the absolute most to  'overcome' my mountains, 'endure' the situations life throws on us, and 'keep going' to find true 'happiness' ....

is.. 

The horses. 

{Truly they are a gift from God to us humans}

My life changed once I got my StarBright and Buddy {RIP}. 

It's continued to improve, with each new mare. Lil Star has brought much magic with her personality. 

These girls made the difference. They are my reason to get up. They are the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing on my mind at night. They are 'where my money goes' {along with many grandchildren}.. They are my heart {along with many grandchildren}. 

Age plays a factor, but it doesn't determine the facts in life. 

To hear my doctor say I've made a complete 360, means 'you can see the difference'. 

When she said "You look good", my only thought and response was, "I feel good".  And I haven't been able to say that for a long time!!

Angels come in the form of horses and carry you on their wings.

Blessed by God

Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails. 

REDO

 

Yep, there are things I wish I did differently. 

Yep, there were times I wasn't the best person I could have been.

Yep, there were mistakes along the way.

Yep, if I could - there are things I'd redo.

You can't change the past. You can't go back and undo anything. Your words can haunt you forever, or put you on a different path. Your mistakes can cost you and they usually do. 

With each passing event we grow. With the joy, the pain and the unexpected, we learn. With each new relationship we gain. We prepare, we plan and we live. Life happens. 

NOT everything according to plan. You can't 'change' someone else. You can't 'fix' someone else. You can't do it 'by yourself'. But you can 'get through it' on your own. 

I can't undo, or redo. But I can do my best right now.

Focus forward.

Blessed by God

Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.

Should have known

 Well I should have known, it wasn't going to be any different. 

I've put myself in a negative situation that has made me most miserable as of lately. It's very negative, often overwhelming. I gave up on quitting smoking for the time being. It's just easier to 'go have a cigarette', giving myself a minute. I've managed to keep my depression from getting involved, so this is good. 

This too shall pass, meanwhile, I'm working my butt off to overcome some of the financial burdens that need eliminated. So many inspection reports to upload, I don't feel much like sitting here writing or scrolling feed lines after the work is done. Forgive me. I love and miss most all. 

All day driving to and fro, my back has issues with the sitting........ and there is a Doctor appointment coming up Thursday. I usually get quiet around then. I deal with my medical issues alone. I have no family support or shoulder to lean on. So sometimes, Doctor appointments are a bit hard to look forward to. 

Things will improve and I'll be back to regular posts soon...

Summer is always a hard time to sit around when it's so much nicer to be outside doing things. That and I just haven't had my private time to contemplate things.. giving me nothing to write about. As I don't like to bitch or complain.

I have a lot on my plate and not much help to clear it. So days are long and nights are short. I'm pretty worn out and in a fair amount of pain by the end of the day.

Complaining is not my specialty - I hear so much of it, I just can't add to the pot. I'm a positive happy person and feeling the hopelessness and negativity has just been a series of feelings I haven't wanted to share. I guess I don't spread them onto anyone else. I already feel like this has breached the line of explanation to complaint.

Why the need to explain myself? There isn't one really. I just felt the need to be courteous seeing as how we have accumulated so many followers !!! Welcome one and all and be sure to stick around for better days to come! 

So, once again encouraging words to ponder..

keep breathing, make sure to stop and smell the flowers, and enjoy some summer!!!! 

Fear not, I'll be back soon. The crazy is starting to fit into a routine.

I haven't even been able to spend the time I want to spend with the horses@!!! UGH....

 However, I did sign us up for a weekend get away with the Back Country Horsemen of Washington, in October******..... 

Stay tuned for the surprises behind the scenes on that note*********

Blessed by God

Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.

Miss Sophia

 

The last couple years have been rough. There's been a couple occasions I made the appointment with the vet, only to cancel. She just didn't seem ready to go. The kittens have been a blessing and they love their 'kitty mum' a lot. Even with as sick as she is, at the end of the day they both are laying close to her to sleep. 

The last couple days have been really rough, last night I thought we wouldn't see this morning. She's hanging in there. I know it's getting close now. As long as she doesn't seem to be in pain or uncomfortable, I'm respecting nature and God's will. We pray every day. 

There are no words to describe what the last 14 years have been like with her at my side. Through it all. 

Blessed by God

Life's peaceful @ the Bright side of the Barn.

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.

Enjoy your Freedom today

 

I hope everyone stays safe and has a Happy 4th of July. I personally wish fireworks were ban and left in China where they belong. 

Freedom - Independence.....

It hasn't felt very free in our country lately. 

Life hasn't felt very free lately either. 

Forgive the quietness. I don't like to complain and I no longer have my wonderful therapist to vent to. So silence holds things in place. The month of June was contemplation and preparation for things to come.

Blood and family are 2 different things. Sadly I have some blood that doesn't know the meaning of family. And some family that doesn't understand the meaning of blood. 

I live in a complicated situation, stressful and depressing. My horses are my happiness and my escape. My grandchildren the joy of life. However I guard my heart and we're not as close as we could be. 

Many ask why I returned to such misery and feel I deserve it. Since I 'chose' to be here. I stayed to find out what was wrong and I wanted to understand. I had hoped I could fix it. 

To what cost? The pain and grief it's caused me and my children? The lives it's destroyed.. to whose advantage? 

Wasn't mine. 

Some think I'm a mean person. Like everyone I have a dark side. It only shows to those who have caused pain in my life. I waste no energy on people that have done wrong. I simply close the door. That makes me mean.?

What does it make those that cause the pain ? 

People have no idea the pain I live with. 

I may not be around much in July as well. Still struggling with overcoming some obstacles to my peace. As always life's better at the barn. 

Blessed by God

Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn.

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.