I was thinking about things, how long I've been a mother....
All the events that have brought our family to here and now. What we've been through together.
She was my first born and the child that taught me what it means to be a mom.
She was born shortly before Mother's Day. Making it extra special for both of us.
In the midst of all the reminiscing I realize I'm turning 59 this year, not 58. I lost a year. I think when things like this start happening you can safely say
"I'm over the hill".
Getting older does not feel like I expected or thought it would. I was giving COPD diagnosis at 41, had a couple minor strokes between 40 and 50... I've already felt 'really old.' Already had to 'prepare' as if 'life was over'. Doctors didn't give me another 10 years with my lungs and heart. The high blood pressure was through the roof back then and my body was tired.
So I'm just not sure I feel like my age yet. I feel younger now than I did then. I don't think I have ever 'felt my age'. The mirror reminds me I'm old. lol. I worked hard to get my lungs back and I've made a lot of changes to my life to reduce the stress. So far the blood pressure is much closer to normal rather than close to the end. Oxygen levels are okay. The doctor checks them every time she sees me.!
I've worked hard to heal
Stress alone can cause so much damage to a person, both mentally and physically. Being traumatized has more of an effect than you realize. Trauma requires HEALING. It's not something "you just deal with" or "get over". It's something that happened that you need to work through it and be able to move forward from it.
Sometimes, It's a lifetime
I've had ailments all my life, so the aches and pains of getting old are just a different set of discomforts. My eyes are getting worn out. The glasses are needing to be stronger. I can't get around as much as before, getting up and down are a bit harder... but from - in here... I just don't feel that dang old. Yet.
It seems every time one of the kids has a birthday, it affects me too. I'm just amazed at how they have grown up and the people they have become. When your young having your babies you think about the future and you try to imagine what it's going to be like.
Then it happens and your looking back, comparing what you thought it would be to what it actually turned out becoming. For some the better others the worse.
Life is an amazing journey.
Don't waste a minute of it.