I'm feeling like it's time to drive away.
He doesn't listen to me, doesn't take my advice and ends up in situations I can't help get him out of.
Worst of all, he drags me down with him.
I refuse to end up homeless again because of him. He procrastinates and waits until it's too late to do anything and ends up losing everything.
I can't do it again. I've lost so much over the last 30 years because of him. There is no respect in the way he treats me. Like it's my DUTY to help him. Truth is there is NO CONNECTION between us. I have NO REASON to stay and put up with this crap.
I'm the one always having to sell my stuff to make ends meet. It's my kids I always have to borrow from to get things HE NEEDS. He just plays with his toys and expects me to do it all. I'M NOT HIS MOTHER.
I want out of this situation. If I'm going to have a man in my life, I want it to be a man that will help me and support me. I'm getting old. I have too much of my own health issues going on, to be stuck taking care of someone that doesn't appreciate me.
He's going to have to step up and figure it all out on his own. I'm spending the month looking for an apartment in senior living somewhere, hoping to move the 1st of August. I can't take this anymore. I have lost so much of myself and the progress I had made for me.
Depression is starting to take over. Rather than thoughts of suicide I've thought about cutting all my hair off again. It took a long time to want to grow it back last time. I don't really want to sink that low again. And yes, throughout my life there have been some challenging times where suicide seemed like the best solution.
I always managed to pull myself away from the edge of the cliff, but it hasn't always been easy. Depression is something I've struggled with all my life. My parents, my childhood, my life, my choices, my family? . . .
Every day is met with waking up to make the decision to BE HAPPY. To be POSITIVE and to SURVIVE the day. One day at a time.
I can't do it when someone is trying to push me off the cliff.
Blessed by God
Life's a challenge @ the Bright side of the Barn
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Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.