Premonitions

I really could see this coming.... This is exactly how I didn't want it to all work out. If he would have retired couple months ago, like I wanted him to, he'd have the steady income from retirement coming to pay the bills now. 

He's been getting weaker and sicker at a more rapid rate this past year. He misses 1 to 3 days of work a week. No appetite, fatigued not lazy, doesn't sleep well, blurry vision, dizzy spells, his prostate and colon complications worsening, he's lost over 20 pounds in just a few months...

It's hard to watch someone torture themselves by going to work, when they don't feel well and they are having complications with their body. I know he's getting worse because he fights me less when I tell him he needs to go back to bed and give it up for the day.

The bills have been falling behind for a while... Now - he's out of work on medical, no income, and it takes about a month to 2 months to process and start receiving any kind of funds, whether it be disability or retirement.  The bills are piling up, the prescriptions, the co-pays for every appointment, the gas to and fro, thankfully there hasn't been parking fees yet. The after care supplies for healing at home from surgery broke us last payday. And there is still prescriptions to pick up with no money to pay for them.

Oh, he works at Boeing, so he can afford it ? That's what people think. They don't realize how much he DOESN'T make when he misses work from being sick. He doesn't have anyone to help him out except me and my kids. His own family does nothing but call him or text him on the phone. They don't visit him, they don't reach out to him and ask if he needs anything and they don't offer to help him with anything. 

He knows my grandchildren better than his own. His son doesn't come around and doesn't bring the kids around to see him. His son has caused a lot of his depression over the years. The kid destroyed our marriage and ruined the entire life we had spent a decade building together. We have been nothing more than friends ever since.

We have talked about death and 'what's going to happen'.... He is afraid and doesn't want his son to have any say in his burial. After the way the kid treated his mother's death and how he handled her remains.... He DOES NOT WANT HIS SON TOUCHING HIS DEAD BODY. He wants me to make sure his remains stay together, he doesn't want to be divided up like garbage in brown paper bags. 

The service, won't include his family. They have never included us in anything 'cause they don't want trouble'. Well we don't want trouble at his funeral, so they won't be there. NO DRAMA. We both are disappointed in the way people have treated the passing of family members and the services held over the past few years. They want to hold on to hate and have grudges forever.  

Yep, sadly with this whole thing and his health we have had to talk about death a lot. My health hasn't been so good either and we've discussed the 'final plans' for me as well. The last thing we want is to be a burden on my kids. We are hoping when we go, there won't be much to do. We've already minimalized ourselves down and given away the important things. 

Not much left to settle and fight over. I've heard and seen horrible families after someone dies. When my daughter studied mortuary science, we learned a lot of how cold and brutal families can be after death of a loved one.... UGLY is an understatement. 

While we haven't signed off on the death certificates yet, we do keep the pen in our back pocket. My granddaughter wants me to be around til I'm at least 100 she says.... We shall see. This situation now, could cause the stress that kills me. 

God knows we need a miracle now more than ever before...

Blessed by God

Life's a challenge @ the Bright side of the Barn

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Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.