... Years ago when I 'dropped' in a Safeway parking lot and the journey of "What the hell is going wrong with me?" - the 5 days in the Hospital on the ward with the folks just waiting to DIE - Home at last with Oxygen machines in tow.....
What the doctor told me hit me so hard I just kept it to myself and prayed that I could prove him WRONG. {My mom always said I had a drive for doing what they said couldn't be done}.
I was NOT about to tell my kids or anyone else for that matter
You might want to get your ducks in order, even with the machines your lung isn't going to last another 5 years.
I can't explain what all I went through after that. I cannot tell you what that does to a person. Inside - outside.... upside and down.
It took a few years but I finally got a doctor that had the right idea with medications and my lung has been hanging on with her keeping close tabs on it... I'm still here and it's been 17 years, 16 with no machines glued to my side.
I can say - it changed the way I feel about how people treat me. The way I look at people and their actions. The people I love turned out to be the ones that hurt me the most over the years.
I can feel it isn't going to be much longer. Some things you just know. I'm pretty intuitive towards my body and my premonition rate is 99%.
Ironic, I've spent most of my life
- Fighting depression and thoughts of suicide
- Protecting myself from domestic violence and someone trying to kill me
- Doing everything I could to make sure my kids could survive without me.