I can honestly say, God has walked with me through life. Why I don't know. I'm not what you would call a Christian. I believe in God, I believe in the Bible, I pray {oh do I pray} I used to say I bothered God so much with my questions He appointed me my own personal angel to walk with me.
But why me? I will never understand.
So many times when I would feel 'trouble' and change directions. I would see how 'that could have been me' too many times. Miracles? I've seen, I've been and I've lost count of how many.
I walked out of a church after a sermon that told me I needed to stay in my marriage, no matter how abusive it was. As I was walking out of the church, I felt God walk with me. I wasn't leaving Him, just the people that wouldn't be helping me stay alive.
My marriage was horrible. He was a bully, his brother was a bully. My dog ended up dead, shot, because of how trigger happy they were when they drank. And they drank a lot. His mother was the queen of bullies and she was the one always trying to kidnap my kids after the divorce and did so many other things....
So many threats and attempts to take my life, I feared for my family. I kept my kids to myself and I walked alone through it all. My parents died not really ever knowing how bad it all was. I rarely talked to my siblings and my children grew up with out my side of the family in their lives.
All to protect my family from him. God was all I had to turn to.
In recent years I was able to reconnect with my oldest brother. Just as if it was yesterday we last talked, we reconnected as we always were. He was my hero growing up and he was still my hero growing old.
I lost him at the beginning of the year, and I'm still trying to cope with it all. I lost two brothers over the holidays. The third and last - lives the next town over and we never talk. We were never really close. He left home when I was young and we felt differently about our mother so when she died, we cut the cord, so to speak.
Makes me feel like I'm alone and all that is left of my family.
The kids all seem to busy for time with me. They don't all feel like family for me, even though I gave birth to all four of them. I did my best as a mom. People tell me that my age, and all that I was having to deal with.... they say I was a good mom,, and a strong person.
Truthfully they have no clue, what I am or how I feel.
Today, I miss my brother. There is so much in my life right now only he would be able to understand. The only one to never judge and always knew the truth so never needed to ask.
Why does death have to exist and be so cold.
It's just me and God again. Why He puts up with me and all my mistakes I will never ever understand.
Blessed again today with yet another miracle to save my path. I can only wonder what the plan is moving forward. I have no answers, and things are not turning out as I had planned so the plans have to change yet again.
I can't see what's ahead. Feels like fog. Boxes are packed I'm ready to go. Makes me stop and ask ~ are the bags packed and ready to go? for heaven.
I'll be 60 this year, that trip is getting closer! I've already gotten farther than I ever expected to get.
Thank you Lord.
Blessed by God
Life's blessed @ the Bright side of the Barn
Thanks for stopping by
Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.