This year has been the hardest for me. I've been struggling with my anxiety and depression really bad since summer. With it getting worse by the day.
For my birthday, I had asked for cards with a favorite us memory mentioned. I thought if I had positive thoughts from the kids it would help me overcome things abit.
I didn't get cards or cake. I got a BBQ at the park with most of the kids. A nice event, but in my situation I wish I would have had warning so I could have prepared myself for it.
It was difficult for me.
For Christmas everyone talked of plans here and there and I didn't hear myself included anywhere so I made a comment I just wanted a motel for the night so I wouldn't have to wake up in the truck.
I was hurting and really wanted to spend Christmas with family. I feel like I'm going to die soon...
The kids got me a room for Christmas.
It was the nicest thing you could do for a homeless person.
It was just the most painful thing to do for me.
I struggle feeling unwanted. So of course... I'm hurt by it.
It's something I have had to fight with all my life. Therapist said it was because I grew up unwanted by my mom. I dump it on those around me and my kids.
I have had to rely on the kids so much, needed so much help lately, I hate having to call and borrow so much. I hate interrupting their lives to rescue me broke down. I feel pretty pathetic that I have to borrow showers.
I wish I could just visit with them when I see them. Have dinner play games walk at the park? This year has been the hardest one for me yet.
the last thing I wanted was for anyone to spend money on me for Christmas.
No I really didn't want to go to a motel. I have no money for food and didn't want to spend Christmas alone.
Now everyone is hurt and confused because they were trying to do a good thing.
I love my kids more than anything. I only ever wanted to be a part of their lives, I never wanted to become such a burden.