As a child, I grew up with my dad attending one church after another. Almost every form of 'Christianity' imaginable. He didn't agree with the values of one, so he'd move on to the next. They shouted too loud, so he'd move on... They were too radical, so he'd move on. At the quieter ones - he'd fall asleep, so my mother quit going with him. The religion he was raised in - turned out to be pedophiles of the children, and bestiality with the animals, so he turned his back on them. Thankfully.
I was left with many questions. 1. If there is only one way to get to heaven, how do we know which way is 'the right way'. 2. There are over 100 interpretations of the Bible, how do we know which one to read? 3. How do we find the 'right church'? 4. What happens if you do all you can and follow every rule and prayer set out by a church, and it turns out to be the wrong one? Do you end up in hell?
I was pregnant with my fourth child when I finally met a pastor that could answer some of my questions. I finally found a church where I could feel God's presence in the pews. There were a lot of hypocrites in the church, as there is in every church, but there were some, who really knew the Lord. Their prayers were real, and the spirit was there.
Jesus met me at the alter in that church, Saved - Sanctified - and filled with the Holy Ghost. Baptized at camp that summer after my baby was born. I became a Sunday school teacher and a teen youth leader. Life was new, it was good.
With just one dark cloud. I was in an abusive marriage. I knew I had to get out and get away. I knew God didn't agree with divorce, I knew the church wouldn't understand. I was shunned when I got up and walked out one Sunday. Instead of going to the front to take communion, I turned and walked out the back door. I didn't leave God behind; He walked with me.
I spent the next several years trying to stay alive and raise four children. Violent partners get more dangerous when you leave, so I learned. The phrase 'if I can't have you, nobody will', is a reality. During this time a friend met her ex at a park and pulled out a gun and blew his brains out. 25 years in jail, because she was protecting her children from being molested by a man the courts felt deserved visitation?
It was a time when the world was changing, slowly. It used to be okay to beat your wife. They could destroy everything you own and because you were their wife - they were allowed to do it. The police would make you leave, often ordering you leave your children behind with the monster. I didn't have money for lawyers, there were no cell phones with cameras, no internet, no home video cameras to capture the situation. It was your word against theirs.
I met a friend during the highlight of it all, a saving grace. After losing so many jobs because of my ex showing up and having to move so many times because the apartments would evict us, when he would destroy our home. We moved into my friends, house with him and kept everything out of my name so I would be harder to find. For almost a decade, my children were able to grow up in peace from the past. The relationship with their father was touch and go. His choice not ours.
It wasn't paradise with my friend; his family was horrible towards us. Treated us like we were invisible and not even there. Many times, we would pack up in the middle of the night and leave, only to return because in truth - at that time we had nowhere else to go. He wasn't dangerous to my kids, most of the pain was inflicted on me in the quietness behind closed doors. I could handle it to give my kids a place to call home.
When I couldn't take it anymore, I found a job and a place to live, quite far away. I was getting ready to pack up my kids and leave. He begged us to stay and actually proposed marriage. Hindsight, I should have left. Instead, I gave him a second chance, under the condition we sell the house and buy OUR HOUSE, a home for us, not in his family's shadow. It was agreed and we married.
Within months of being married life fell apart, both of our ex's accused us of child abuse on the youngest 2 of the 5 children we had been raising together for a decade. We won both court cases and lost everything in the process. Our house, our second vehicle and he lost his job. HOMELESS.
By the fall of that year, my father passed away, and my supposed to be husband, couldn't handle the situation and left us and moved to Canada to be with his family. Claiming I tricked him into marriage. Alone trying to raise my kids and get an international divorce I couldn't afford, my mother passed away, and my health failed me. Doctors gave me 5 years to live. I was only in my 40's and now living on an oxygen machine.
I dug deep into my faith, crying out to God. Asking for enough time to at least see all of my children to adulthood, so I wouldn't have to worry about them ending up with their father's family. A family of dysfunction, drugs and alcohol abuse.
God healed me and I was off the oxygen in only a few months. My lungs at 100% plus! I became an ordained minister and continued to raise my children. While struggling with a husband tormenting me from another country. I ended up having a couple emotional break downs, learned I had PTSD. To end up with an anxiety disorder. We had a few rough years.
God was with me through it all. I just didn't always see it. Looking back, I've been blessed. I got to raise my four kids to adulthood, meet all ten of my grandchildren and now 4 of my great grandchildren. I've outlived the doctors' predictions by 20 years! I'm actually healthier now than before. A couple minor strokes and a few surgeries and my insides were untwisted from scar tissue of 4 C sections.
I haven't been back to a church since that day. I've kept my faith, studied my Bible and God has never left me to bear life alone. Yes, I've been homeless a few times over the years. When my health was at it's worst, I couldn't work and getting Social Security is a joke that takes years to be accepted. Once you are, the amount isn't enough to do anything except pour salt into your wounds.
It hasn't even been a year since I found myself alone living in my truck. I bought devotionals book and studied my Bible every day. Trying to stay positive and see the good in the middle of the storm. I never lost my faith in God or doubted that He was with me. I was safe, never robbed, or chased out of places I found to sleep. Managed to eat every day and keep my animals fed.
I Woke up one January morning with ice on the inside of the windows. I was cold, my animals were freezing. I cried out to God, I really couldn't take it anymore. I'm 60 and I really didn't want to die, frozen to death in my truck. I couldn't see an end to my situation no matter how hard I tried. I had been turned down for low-income housing because I didn't have a recent year of rental history. Guess now you know why so many are actually homeless and unable to get out of the situation.
I made a post on FB of the ice early that morning. A friend was there within the hour, taking me and my animals' home to her house over the weekend. Another friend was working with friends to find me a place to go more permanent.
I told God, I will go wherever you send me.
By Tuesday, I was moving into a brand-new house, temporary until the right place could be found. It took 7 months, and the plan changed a couple times, but I am finally home. Another brand-new house, in a place I never would have chosen for myself. I let go and let God take the wheel. From January to now life has been nothing but blessing after blessing.
A home, where a local church donated some furniture to me, another friend gave me a bed. I was able to get my laptop out of the pawn shop and with internet, I was able to work again. It took time. I was able to renew my business license and my notary commission. The earning grew. I was gifted a car, wheels of my own, now able to sell the truck that was breaking down more than it was driving. One more payday and all of my life will be out of the pawn shop, hopefully for good. I haven't had to borrow money from my kids in a few months. I've been able to pay them back.
Life is good and God is Great!
An easy life wasn't promised; life eternal was the gift to be received. Many of those following the Lord suffered greatly without glory. Jesus warned that to follow Him you would be persecuted, put down and even possibly face death. Bible says the rich won't be in heaven. The meek shall inherit the earth. The heart will be full of joy and God knows our needs, He has never failed me, even though I have failed Him many times over.
In my world God is real and there is nothing to doubt about it.
Blessed by God
Life's a journey @ the Bright Side of the Barn
Thanks for Stopping by
Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.
