Where were you at 15?

 I was becoming a mom.

I had people wanting me to have an abortion, people wanting to take my baby and even more people trying to tell me how to raise my baby.

My family moved out of the country and back to Canada. I was left here pretty much alone with the babies daddy and his family. 

I loved being a mom and taking care of my babies. I had 4 kids over time. They all had the same dad. I was a stay home mom and they rarely went to a sitter, during the 11 years I was with their dad.

I wasn't into parties and being stupid. I was devoted to my kids. My house was always clean, my babies bathed every day. Laundry done and dinner hot and on the table every evening. We hung out together and did things together. 

The daddies family accused me of child abuse repeatedly over the years, even sent CPS to my house on a few occasions. Never was an accusation justified. It just added pressure to be a perfect mom. 

I was strick and raised my kids with expectations. I was probably too hard on them at times especially the oldest 2. Many tears I shed feeling like a failure. Sometimes even a monster. How I raised my kids was a constant battle with the daddy family. 

Their dad was a drinker and had been since he was 6 years old. Yes you read that correctly. He failed kindergarten because of his dad. Like his father he would be mean and violent when he drank. 

This was something I had never experienced in my life. My parents were quiet, calm and my dad was a very loving person . Gossip and being mean to people was not something I grew up with.

So the stress of the situation affected me and it was hard to be myself. I actually lost me and who I am, over the years, I became what I had to be to survive and protect my children.

To, Eventually getting a job and getting away from HIM. That led to worse violence, life threatening situations and courts. Where I had to learn how to be an attorney, as well. Now a single parent and no family around to help.

All the violence and moving was hard on all of us. I did the best I could, being alone in this country with 4 kids in tow. We had to move a lot and I went through a few jobs because of the damage the dad would cause every time he found my jobs or where we lived.

There really was no support, from either family .... physically, mentally or financially for the kids. They grew up in a much different world than the one I wanted for them. It was hard on them and I tried to keep their dad in their hearts even though he didn't want to be in their lives.

I did the best I could. I made mistakes. I never stopped loving them and I was never - not there for them. 

Fact - I'm still here any time they need me.

All the things I did do right didn't seem to matter to some of them.. The others try their best and still don't know me. 

It hurts that we are not so close. This wasn't how I wanted my family to become. We love each other, don't get me wrong there. 

But it is what it is.

I'm proud of them, they grew up into amazing people. They have taken on life so much stronger than I ever was.

 They made beautiful families of their own. I have so many grandkids that I love to the moon and back. I've even lived longer enough to enjoy meeting some of my great grandkids. 

They are my life's accomplishment. And they are all so beautiful and amazing.

All I can say is, I did my best, where were you at 15? 

I was trying to be a good mom.

Blessed by God 

Life has been an amazing journey 

@ the Bright Side of the Barn.

Thanks for Stopping by 

Until Next Time Stay Safe and Happy Trails.