How are You Doing?

 I used to call/text my kids pretty regularly, just to see how they were doing and tell them I loved them. Over time I started to feel like my calls weren't appreciated, from the ones that never responded, or waiting forever to respond. So, I pretty much stopped 'bugging' them. I still check on the one's I hear back from once in a while. 

I try to stay in touch with my grandchildren as well. They have grown full circle and brought some of the most amazing little great grandchildren into the world. Some of them struggle with adulthood in this life others are doing well for themselves and leading a good life. The trials of this world have been harder for them than 'back in the day' when we were raising kids. I often say, "thank God I don't have kids going to school now days". Schools have gone so far downhill. But that is yet another blog to write. 

There are a couple of my kids and grandkids - that all I have to do is text "I love you" and I will get an I love you back fairly soon after. I try not to bug them too much either, one of their partners told me once, 'their live is busy'. Of course, I took it as I was bothering them, so I don't so much anymore. I don't get the call right away when my son gets hurt anymore. At least I get a call, I guess. Bothers me how much distance has come between us. But what can you do. 

You give them birth, give up your life to raise them, always be there for them and then their live just gets too busy to include you. I've heard it from so many friends about their kids. Guess I should feel okay about it, since it isn't only me it happens to. The Bible says that in the last days our children will turn on us, that families will destroy each other and basically fall apart, rather than be close.

People have been dying around me since I was very young. I learned death is unplanned, untimed and doesn't run on an appointment schedule - you never know when it's going to happen to someone you care about. I was 18 and cooking dinner one night, when the call came that my sister had been killed. Hit by a car while walking to town. A walk we had taken many times together. She left 3 small children behind and they grew up without a mother. Gone in an instant.

My mom told me at the funeral, it should have been me. Needless to say, my relationship with my mother was never good and pretty much ended there. I was 5-6 years old when my dad went to the hospital and came home with tubes going in and out of his stomach. Fear of losing him became a part of everyday life. He ended up living until he was 82. My mom kept me away, so I didn't get to spend much time with him after 'adulthood'. Once he passed, I never spoke to her again. She passed a year and a half later. 

Through the course of my life, I gave birth to 4 beautiful babies, along the way I lost 2 others. My first one, I never got to know what that baby would have been - boy or girl. It was before my 'oldest' daughter was born. I also lost my 'first born' son. He was named Christopher. A life I often wonder about. What would he be like now. Why was he the one to lose? The son that came after was never bonded with me. And to this day, he refuses to talk to me. Mind you it was his dad that near beat him to death. His dad's best friend broke into the trailer and saved his life. Yet, He wouldn't tell the authorities so there wasn't much I could do except refuse visitation; he later ran away to live with his dad? 

I've lost friends and family to suicide. Here one day gone the next. Best friends, nephews - accidents and on purpose. My granddaughter lost her father when she was just a year or so old. She never got to know him. They were so mixed up with this life, they really thought leaving was the best idea. 

I've known friends that have lost their own child. The hardest death of all. We all expect to bury our parents but not our children. My babies were young and unborn when I lost them, I couldn't imagine losing them after they were born. After you had years to get to know them. My dad said it at my sister's funeral, losing a child was the hardest thing he ever experienced. 

Have a friend that came home from work one day to find her husband - dead in a chair. No warning, no serious medical condition to worry about. Here one day and gone by nightfall. They had spoken earlier in the day. You spend your life with someone, plan your 'golden years' and the next thing you know, you're planning a funeral and learning to cope with being alone. So many things left undone, because you thought you would have time to do them. 

I've had a couple experiences that "I almost didn't make it". It could have been me - gone. I was almost murdered by my ex and have since survived his threats and repeated attempts. His brother nearly killed me after killing my dog. It was a crazy family; one I was glad to get out of! I saved my children, and I don't think to this day they realize it. I only wish I could have taken my nephews with me, perhaps the one wouldn't have killed himself in his own adulthood. {Their mother was a piece of work too}

I live light and try to keep my 'to do lists' short so when I go, nothing will be needing done. There won't be a ton of crap to dig through or throw away. I've already given the kids the things that they should have and there isn't much left for anyone to want. Doctors told me my heart and lungs are on a day to day, not expected to make it long term. So, I live for today. 

And I look forward to the next phase of life. Hopefully with the Lord. This isn't all there is, and so many don't realize there are consequences to follow.

If you love and care about someone, don't hesitate to pick up your phone and call them. Texting is okay, but I'm sure hearing your voice would mean so much more. By you hearing their voice, you would be able to know if they are really "Okay" or just saying it so you don't know how they really are. 

"How are you doing?" So simple and only takes a minute to say. "I love you" can go a long way.

You will regret the day you get the call, and you pick up the phone to hear. 

"It's too late, they are gone". 

Blessed by God,

We're still breathing @ the Bright side of the barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy trails.