July 7, 2019

Single Parenting.

When parents split up ....
The best advice I could give anyone is

LEAVE YOUR KIDS OUT OF IT.

The one's that send the child support check with the kids. Really?
Put it in the mail if you can't deliver it personally with respect.

When you don't communicate face to face as parents, your leaving it up to your children and they don't always transfer the messages as intended. They can also learn how to manipulate one against the other. Don't empower your children to disrespect your parenting.

Don't let others talk to your children about your relationship. It was between the two of you and only the two of you should speak to your children about what happened.

Don't let your new relationships disrespect your children's other parent.

You had a child together, surely you can show each other enough respect to be civilized for your children.?

I remember when my second husband and I went to a place downtown, to get some advice on his custody issue. The man was horrible. He told us how he would make his kids take the clothes from their mother off and wear his purchased clothes for the weekend, then they would have to put their other clothes back on to go home.... Really!

We blew out of there and never looked back.

~~For my kids ~~

I told my kids very little of what had happened. They seen plenty on their own and their dad's drinking and violence was no secret.
I tried to help them understand that alcoholism, isn't who a person is.

Visitation was a choice, not forced regardless of court orders. That included how long they wanted to stay during the summers as well.

I gave them the family pictures of 'all of us' for their personal collections. Making sure they knew I wasn't erasing their dad from their lives. Reminding them, that at one time their dad loved us, including me. It helped reassure them, after hearing him talk of how much he wanted me dead.

I've watched the pain my children have endured over these very things.

My ex told our children if they ever called anyone else dad, he would slit their throat.

My ex and his wife went around telling my children that they have a bullet with my name on it.

That is child abuse without need for a dictionary to define it.

And they don't understand why the protection order is permanent.

My youngest daughter cut his picture out of several of her picture books during a time of strife. It was her choice, not something I did or told her to do. I encouraged my children to have their own feelings.

 I discouraged my kids from hating their dad, no matter how much he hated me.
My ex would say and do things that scarred my kids for life.
Dont' make the same mistake with yours.


YOUR KIDS HAVE FEELINGS

Always try to remember that. 

How you treat their other parent, is how you are teaching them to have relationships, And how to cope with ending relationships.


Thoughts to ponder


Blessed by God,
Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn.
Thanks for stopping by,
Until next time, Stay safe and Happy trails.

Handling Matters

No matter how hard we try, we all end up with some disagreement and negative situations in life.


Question is

How do you handle it?

Some people, like to ask questions and get answers directly from the source, before reacting.

Others fly off the handle, overreact and bulldoze through, making an ass of themselves with misguided information.

Walking away and just 'letting go' of what ever caused the strife between two, ending what ever relationship they had happens quite often between friends.

There seems to be a lot of disrespect from the younger generation towards their elders. In more recent years. Families are not what they used to be, what is called love now, is nothing of what love is supposed to be. Mind you, many younger peoples have been abused and grossly mistreated. Disrespect has been earned for some.

When you see something not right, do you try and talk to your friend/family member, just ignore it, or call the authorities behind their back? Or just let it be, even if a child is being hurt?

How many people are honestly 'truthful' with each other? Especially when it comes to a matter that differs. People of good character can usually take a fair amount of opinions and advice without offense. Where as those of a lesser character, get mad, get even or worse.

Today's world is full of back biting, gossip, and liars. Honest truthful and trusting friends and in laws are hard to come by. So when you find one, cherish the relationship.

Throughout the 11 year coarse of my first marriage, my 'friends' were limited to 'his family'. His brothers wife and I spent a lot of time together, I don't know if we were so much friends or two people trying to survive the same horrible family we had found ourselves in. We were different in many ways. Yet stuck in the same place. After the divorce, 

I had wrote a letter terminating our friendship basically.    I received a letter back {and I truly regret letting my daughter and her friend make corrections and return the letter. Not my finest moment}  A few years later my ex had surprised my kids with his announcement to marry a girl, a couple years older than our oldest child. This put my kids in an uproar. At their request a letter was written, proof read and sent.

Throughout my life, When I've found a matter incorrect with a business account, I write a letter to explain the problem and potential solutions. I've wrote my government letters regarding issues of major concerns and compliments on matters handled well.

My way of handling matters was always to 'write a letter'. If you didn't get it in a letter from me, I didn't say it.  {Not a very bad ass 'meany'..}

The pen is mightier than the sword

Most often times my letters get results that are positive, encouraging. Sadly, there have been a few with negative hurt feelings. Some people lack reading comprehension skills and that makes it a bad idea to write.  Others have bad listening skills and writing is the only way to get your message across.

However, I believe there have been far less negative results from letters, instead of the many misunderstandings that result from text/ email/ and yelling matches that peoples have.

The NOT TALKING ABOUT IT, people hurt others without saying a word and so often many things would be better if they had only talked it out.

Some can never man up and admit their mistakes, a poor way to handle matters. Others never let you forget ... they tell stories and talk about it inappropriately to people.

HOW DO YOU HANDLE MATTERS.
A very important aspect in life............
Something to think about.

Blessed  by God,
Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn.
Thanks for stopping by, 
Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.

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