Young, alone, and scared....
She was barely a year when I got pregnant again. So much for birth control.
The day the test confirmed positive. I lost him. Miscarriage.
I needed time to grieve. My partner wanted to have another baby as his way of grieving. It was a fight. I ended up pregnant again.
Grieving the loss of one, trying to come to grips with being raped, and wanting to love the baby that was coming.
I had a son. Our relationship was a struggle his whole childhood. He was just a baby when they had to go stay with my parents for 2 weeks. My evil mother took his bottle away from him. She was mean to him, to both my kids, and I didn't know til I picked them up. Shortly after that early one morning I cut my hair short. It went from really long to really short. My baby boy woke up and didn't recognize me. That has played a distance between us ever since.
He was a daddy's boy and when the divorce came around it was confusing. He watched his dad beat the crap out of me, nearly strangle me to death and cried to the police he was afraid his dad would kill his little mice. Then the next morning he wakes up and wants to go live with his dad if we are splitting up?
He spent his teen years having little to do with me. Except when his dad got a gun and was hunting for me. My son showed up to warn me. Then he was gone again.
I'm told now he hates me? I've been told it's because I didn't save him? He's told everyone that I used to beat him, when in fact the truth is - it was his father beating him and I tried everything I could to stop it.
I had a 3rd son before the divorce. And a 2nd daughter. When I left I had 4 little ones to look out for.
My youngest son, according to my daughters is my 'favorite'. I never meant for anyone to feel less than anyone else. I loved them all. Even the 4th son, the step son, that I raised for 9 years without any love or appreciation. He never wanted to be part of our family and he did everything he could to cause fights between myself and his dad. Fought with my kids all the time... Life was a challenge.
If my daughters could understand the pain of the loss and all the grief and hurt I've carried over the years for my first two sons, surely they would understand why my only son, means so much to me.
I almost lost him too, because of my ex and his wife. Thankfully, he married a beautiful young lady with a good head on her shoulders. I have my son and another wonderful daughter.
