Save Yourself or Sink

All this talk about the options and what will and won't work. Last night he said what he plans to do & ..... 

This is me ~ 

He talks like he understands, he agrees with anything you say.

But when it comes down to it - he's going to do something totally different. And your going to lose everything and end up homeless again.

He's done this before and we all ended up homeless as a result. It took years to get back on my feet and the emotional toll caused me to have an emotional break down. It was a big part of the stress that led to my first stroke. I had to recover from that alone and it wasn't easy.

So here we sit again. I'm not getting on that boat again! 

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I've explained that there is only 1 option to make everything work. 

Option 2 you have to choose between 2 things you don't want to lose.

Option 3 you lose 1 and end up homeless again. 

The Option 4 he wants to take isn't going to provide enough funds to do it all. And that's when you end up with option 2 & 3 and lose everything.

So the question is - do I want to sink again - or should I walk away and save myself this time?

Sounds cold - with everything he's facing. 

Thing is - he's bi polar and his thoughts are of himself through this. So I could have a heart attack and die and he would worry more about getting to his next appointment than to bury me. 

He's walked out on me when I was just released from a hospital and sent home with a complete oxygen tank system and breathing hoses.. and 2 teenage kids who needed a parent - as well.

So really my feelings here are justified. Do I save myself or sink with him again?

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2 of my grandkids are here today and it's beautiful outside. I'm thinking we are going to go clean horse pasture and maybe - give the horse a bath or ride? who knows..... 

Time at the barn, with the horse always helps me think, clear my head.. 

I may not always find the answers there, but I always find peace when I'm with my horse....

I can't whistle right now with so many teeth missing. {having my 'old lady teeth made}.. So when I get to the barn I park, walk through the gate and wait. She usually hears the car pull in or hears the gate creak open so it only takes a minute....

She's hard to see in the first couple pictures, {that's her BIG pasture out there behind the trees } once she sees me - she will start out walking, trot, then gallop a minute, as she rounds the corner to the shelter she slows down to a trot again and then meets me at the gate. {yep, this is her little all the time pasture up to the trees}

Once arrived, it's lunch time! 1 pound Senior kibbles, 1 scoop Horse Guard, 4 baby carrots, 2 baby cucumbers, 2 large cloves garlic, 3 fresh strawberries... Salt and water all the time, pasture in the mornings and hay at night.. The life of Retirement! 

She turned 26 years old on May 29th! We've been together 7 years now.. My barn host Linda {The most amazing person to care for your horse!} tells me that my horse often acts like she might be 15 - 16 the way she runs and plays during the day.. 

&

Here's to Many More Years of Fun and Love together.

Blessed by God

Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.

Shockwave

 Paralyzing...

When you get bad news unexpected - it can freeze you and lock you in place. The brain has to process more than normal. You were not prepared for this!

We have been preparing ourselves to hear the words colon cancer or surgery, on the 15th, or shortly afterwards. That's when we meet the surgeon.

Today was just supposed to be a physical, check the cholesterol, weight ... basics. Neither one of us expected the doctor to say we need to run some tests for prostate cancer.

Too many unknowns at the moment to even process the whole thing. 

For every test that comes back 'normal', means we are no closer to finding out 'exactly' what's wrong. Thus they 'dig deeper', more intense testing, more types of tests.... until you start getting answers. 

I don't exactly expect him to pass away anytime soon. It's the medical hell he's about to go through - the in's and out's and up's and down's ...

 That's the shockwave of it all. 

So far tests look good and he's healthy in all other ways. Heart doctor appointment early next month as well. 

Ya, It's usually smooth in the beginning of the roller coaster ride... Then comes the scary parts that make you feel like your not going to survive this. Then comes the end, when you glide back into the station......

Blessed by God 

Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.