I Know It Sounds Cold

I'm feeling like it's time to drive away.

He doesn't listen to me, doesn't take my advice and ends up in situations I can't help get him out of.

Worst of all, he drags me down with him.

I refuse to end up homeless again because of him. He procrastinates and waits until it's too late to do anything and ends up losing everything.

I can't do it again. I've lost so much over the last 30 years because of him. There is no respect in the way he treats me. Like it's my DUTY to help him. Truth is there is NO CONNECTION between us. I have NO REASON to stay and put up with this crap. 

I'm the one always having to sell my stuff to make ends meet. It's my kids I always have to borrow from to get things HE NEEDS. He just plays with his toys and expects me to do it all. I'M NOT HIS MOTHER.

I want out of this situation. If I'm going to have a man in my life, I want it to be a man that will help me and support me. I'm getting old. I have too much of my own health issues going on, to be stuck taking care of someone that doesn't appreciate me.  

He's going to have to step up and figure it all out on his own. I'm spending the month looking for an apartment in senior living somewhere, hoping to move the 1st of August. I can't take this anymore. I have lost so much of myself and the progress I had made for me. 

Depression is starting to take over. Rather than thoughts of suicide I've thought about cutting all my hair off again. It took a long time to want to grow it back last time. I don't really want to sink that low again. And yes, throughout my life there have been some challenging times where suicide seemed like the best solution.

I always managed to pull myself away from the edge of the cliff, but it hasn't always been easy. Depression is something I've struggled with all my life. My parents, my childhood, my life, my choices, my family? . . .

Every day is met with waking up to make the decision to BE HAPPY. To be POSITIVE and to SURVIVE the day. One day at a time.

I can't do it when someone is trying to push me off the cliff. 

Blessed by God

Life's a challenge @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

The Future

 I started telling him a couple months ago "You need to retire". That way you can focus on your health and have a steady income - regardless of if you get sick or feel good.

 I asked "What happens if all of a sudden you end up with an emergency and can't work for a while?" 

 They call it short term disability

 Ya a few bucks are nice - BUT it DOESN'T PAY THE BILLS.

So, now here we are

He had the ER EMERGENCY and the inability to work until we see the doctor and find out more.... most likely will lead to the inability to work under the circumstances. 

 And no income until we figure out which way this is all going so we know which road to turn down financially.... meanwhile - bills are due and more are coming. 

 Recent events had to cancel so he could recover from the urgent surgery. So, the second income took a hit as well. 

 Don't get me wrong. It isn't all about money. It's about him being sick and needing to take care of himself and not have to worry about money. He has forced himself to work so much this past year when there were days he should have stayed in bed. I think that has made this all progress faster. 

 Homelessness is a fear - when there is no income, it becomes more of a reality and possibility. The increased stress doesn't help the healing process. Then you add his BiPolar 1 and the struggle with episodes and depression. All of which have worsened due to the issues associated with the medical issues..

 I'm concerned

• For his health both physically and mentally
• For the finances, I don't want to see him lose his house and means of living.
• For my health - to survive all the stress associated with this and my own medical challenges. 

It's a dark day. I know God knows, and I'm sure He has a plan. I just currently don't know and can't see what it is. Here is where the faith comes in. The hope. Prayers. and many needed Blessings. 

 As always - all links and purchases made from this site add pennies to our pot of coins. Every little bit helps and we are grateful to all of our customers. If you would like to make a direct donation you can send it via PayPal @  https://www.paypal.me/horseaddict  

you don't have to have a paypal account 

 Prayers are always welcome as well - There is nothing greater than the healing power of God. 

Blessed by God

Life's good @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay safe and Happy Trails.