Surprise!

 What's the worst thing you can do

 to a person with ANXIETY?

SURPRISE THEM!

1st my Birthday.

Now Christmas.

Why do I react the way I do?

Because they trigger an anxiety attack.

I don't like secrets or surprises.

My heart rate spikes I have chest pains and the panic attacks start happening.

 My mind goes dark, depression takes over...

I see the worst of everything 

and all hope of getting through the event with happiness is Lost. 

I struggle to survive

.. then live with guilt instead of happy memories...

Knowing I have hurt them again.

Having kids has been the hardest part of my life. I am the worst mother ever.

They don't know me or understand me, it's impossible for them to do what would make me happy. 

They do things that a normal person would appreciate.

I have anxiety and PTSD. 

I suffer depression. 

I have self worth issues.

I have phobias about going places I have never been to. 

I have sleep issues and can't sleep in a strange place.

I'm anti social, very private ... Don't like public place events where I am in a spotlight.

I can't do a buffet breakfast with strangers. That would trigger a panic attack. 

Sometimes I say things thinking out loud. Not expecting anyone to act on it. No one hears the But ... I'd rather... 

I have hated my life and how worthless I have become. I've been such a burden on my kids for years. 

I've actually wanted to die for a long time now. I don't understand why God has kept me here. 

This year my birthday and Christmas have now been the worst. They try to do nice things. But my anxiety wins every time. I end up hurting my kids.

I wish I could have been normal.

Spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day alone this year. Probably going to shut off the phone. 

Blessed by God 

Life hurts @ the Bright Side of the Barn 

Thanks for Stopping by 

Until Next Time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails 

Holiday Season

 Has begun!!

The Christmas trees are starting to take place in the house. lights adorning every bush in the yard. Ladders out hanging theTwinkling colored lights, that will be Outlining the shape of the house and porch, with plenty of Santas and Frosty statues filling the front.

Christmas 2023

I started selling off the house lights, the tall tree and several of my large nutcrackers. All things that will be too big or too much for where I'm planning to live. It was the perfect time to list them on the marketplace. 

I will admit.....

It would be nice to be home by Christmas 🎄, the windshield froze a couple nights ago. Made for a chilly truck. I bought myself a battery operated heated blanket - spent yesterday charging the battery. It worked great! ....Til the battery died.

I suspect we are in for some cold ❄️ weather this winter. ☃️ Hope I don't end up becoming a snowman. The horses are getting their woolly coats ready for the chill. Gives me a clue as to how cold it is going to get out here.

My faith is in God and knowing He has a plan. Just 🙏 praying His plan and my dreams are all on the same page. I really want to go home. To an RV. A cute little class C. I have places to go and lighthouses to 🙈 see.

Tim is getting worse with his memory and forgetting things. It's becoming a daily hunt for something lost. He's went through 2 📱 phones in 3 months. Lost - broke - misplaced...

It was recently necessary to change phone carriers and with that came 🆕 phone numbers. The cost savings will be huge🤗. Plus there won't be so much spam. Unnecessary advertising calls. It took a few to make changes at all the right places. Somehow I know I am forgetting something.

Sigh. Time to warm up the truck and get rolling. Doctor appointment today and tomorrow. His last visit with the hand doctor and the first visit with the neurologist.

Blessed by God 

Life's good @ the Bright Side of the Barn

Thanks for Stopping by 

Until Next Time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails