Bright Side of the Barn

July 31, 2023

Quiet Times

It could have been so much happier ~

I had so many dreams about 'my family' while I was watching my kids grow up -

I was looking forward to all the family gatherings ~ Birthdays, Graduations, Weddings, Baby Showers and Holidays; that would be spent together.

I just wanted a house in the country where they could grow up and grow roots. My family moved so much while I was growing up, I really didn't want to have to move my kids around.

I wanted a peaceful place where we could feel ~ safe, comfortable, build friendships, have fun and find happiness. A place they could always come back too. An attic full of old toys, a garage filled with bikes and half finished projects....

Memories could have been so different...

Blessed by God

Life's Good @ the Bright side of the Barn

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time, Stay Safe and Happy Trails.

July 29, 2023

What They Didn't Know

... Years ago when I 'dropped' in a Safeway parking lot and the journey of "What the hell is going wrong with me?" - the 5 days in the Hospital on the ward with the folks just waiting to DIE - Home at last with Oxygen machines in tow.....

What the doctor told me hit me so hard I just kept it to myself and prayed that I could prove him WRONG. {My mom always said I had a drive for doing what they said couldn't be done}.

I was NOT about to tell my kids or anyone else for that matter

You might want to get your ducks in order, even with the machines your lung isn't going to last another 5 years.

I can't explain what all I went through after that. I cannot tell you what that does to a person. Inside - outside.... upside and down.

It took a few years but I finally got a doctor that had the right idea with medications and my lung has been hanging on with her keeping close tabs on it... I'm still here and it's been 17 years, 16 with no machines glued to my side.

I can say - it changed the way I feel about how people treat me. The way I look at people and their actions. The people I love turned out to be the ones that hurt me the most over the years.

I can feel it isn't going to be much longer. Some things you just know. I'm pretty intuitive towards my body and my premonition rate is 99%.

Ironic, I've spent most of my life

Fighting depression and thoughts of suicide
Protecting myself from domestic violence and someone trying to kill me
Doing everything I could to make sure my kids could survive without me.

And here the biggest fight for my life - has been telling myself to

Just Breathe

Because my own lungs are what is going to take me down.